Today was fun.  Tonight was, not.  My dad is getting remarried.  I hate her.  I always have.  ever since i first met her.  (which was while my parents were together, and before he had even met her)  she is one of those people that is really good at acting like she cares.  who knows maybe she rally does, but she is so fake and guppy.  I carpooled with her son once.  she measured me to make sure i was tall enough to ride in the front seat.  i was in the 6th grade.  she is way to uptight.  i mean, REALLY.  her son, who is like, 9ish, is scared to get dirty, or play sports or anything that doesnt come with extra-precautionary safety equiptment and a little book so he can make sure that all the rules are met.  I dont see what he could possible see in her.  My dad is rugged and outdoorsey.  he never buys kits, he just does stuff from scratch.  Becky is the type of person who will take her car to the dealershop and pay an inordinant amount of money for some kakhi wearing college graduate to replace her tail light instead of paying $3.50 for a new bulb. my dad is an engineer.  he plays sports, he gets sweaty and greasy and goes camping, like REAL camping where you sleep on the ground, and there isnt any running water, or phones, or electricity.  there arent even other people.  becky could never do that.  she just doent have to ability to step outside her comfort zone.  she'd never put a toe over the danger line.  i hate her almost as much as i hate my mother.  my dad has really sucky taste in women.  my mom has no concideration for anyones feelings.  she is two faced and evil.  i left tonight.  i wasnt supposed to, but i told her directly i was leaving and i'd be back before curfew.  she told me i'd better not or else.  but then she had john speed off. (her and john got back up and dressed to go for a test drive in megan's new car but she couldnt find time to talk to me about how my friends were supposed to get home if i couldnt take them, and they werent allowed to stay here bk "she cant deal with me when im acting so hateful"  as if i am some invalid who needs constant care.  shes proven i dont need care well enough. well im sorry 'mom'  but i hate you.  i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you.  so what if you arent supposed to hate.  i cant help it.  its not like i wake up and say " what should i do today, i think ill have a crappy relationship with my mother" im going to burn in hell anyways, according to my religion, my grandmother, and well...i dont really disagree.  but hey, i guess ill see you all there at the luau.

Midnight Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her mem'ry? She is smiling alone In the lamplight The withered leaves collect at my feet And the wind begins to moan Mem'ry All alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days Life was beautiful then I remember The time I knew what happiness was Let the mem'ry live again Ev'ry street lamp Seems to beat A fatalistic warning Someone mutters And a street lamp gutters And soon it will be morning  Daylight I must wait for the sunrise I must think of a new life And I mustn't give in When the dawn comes Tonight will be a memory too And a new life will begin  Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning The street lamp dies Another night is over Another day is dawning Touch me It's so easy to leave me All alone with my mem'ry Of my days in the sun If you touch me You'll understand what happiness is Look a new day has begun ...