funny or weird or just whatever

This is gonna be a page where i post funny stuff i find. Check back bk I'll update this the most.

Q: Which automobile was most popular in Biblical Days?

A: Honda, because all the disciples were in the same ACCORD! (ok, you have to have SOME bible knowledge for that to be the least bit funny)

this is an actual letter in a classroom

Recently, when I (ok, so not ME per say, but whoever wrote this)went to McDonald's I saw on the
> > menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12
> > Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
> > "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the
> > teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied.
> > "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
> > "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can
> > order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and
> > ordered six McNuggets.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of
> > what happened a couple of months ago. I was
> > checking out at the local Foodland with just a few
> > items and the lady behind me put her things on the
> > belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
> > "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
> > placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
> > mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items,
> > she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for
> > the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the
> > bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this
> > is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I
> > don't think I'll buy that today." She said OK" and I
> > paid her for the things and left. She had no clue
> > to what had just happened.....
> >
> > MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE!!!
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into
> > her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
> > When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she
> > was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
> > for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
> > "thingy".
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping
> > beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked.
> > She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the
> > battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't
> > get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a
> > distant convenient store) would have a battery to
> > fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm
> > too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she
> > answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
> > took the key and manually unlocked the door,
> > replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
> > about the batteries. It's a long walk."
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none
> > too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
> > secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
> > What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
> > secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
> > last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
> > photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank"
> > copies.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
> > motor home was towed into the garage. The front of
> > the vehicle was in dire need of repair and he whole
> > thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I
> > asked the manager what had happened. He told me that
> > the driver had set the "cruise control" and then
> > went in the back to make a sandwich.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > IDIOTS AT WORK...
> > Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a
> > dollar.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > IDIOTS & COMPUTERS... My neighbor works in the
> > operations department in the central office of a
> > large bank. Employees in the field call him when
> > they had problems with their computers. One night he
> > got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks
> > who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from
> > the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire
> > downtown?"
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE: I was sitting in my
> > science class, when the teacher commented that the
> > next day would be the shortest day of the year. My
> > lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and
> > clapping. I explained to her that the amount of
> > daylight changes, not the actual amount of time.
> > Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a
> > suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and
> > connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The
> > message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and
> > police pressed the copy button each time they
> > thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
> > Believing the "lie detector" was working, the
> > suspect confessed.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > "Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

1. Only in America.....can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front
of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then
chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe
the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
Braille lettering.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
>goods.

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work
on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the
shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more
time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help
me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame
the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (..was there a lot of this
happening somewhere?)

Two men were drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

> > >One turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered

> > >that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall

> > >to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they

> > >carry you around the building and back into the window."

> > >The bartender overhears this and just shakes his head in

> > >disapproval while wiping down the bar.

> > >The second man says, "What, are you a nut? There is no way in hell

> > >that could happen!"

> > >The first man says, "No, it's true. Let me prove it to you." He

> > >gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens toward the

> > >street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him

> > >around the building and back into the 10th floor window, where he takes

> > >elevator back up to the bar.

> > >The second man says, "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but

> > >that must have been a one-time fluke." The first man says, "No, it

> > >I'll prove it again!" And again he jumps and hurtles toward the street,

> > >the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the

> > >Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

> > >The second man says, "Well, what the hell, it works, I'll try it."

> > >He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, and passes

> > >the...11th...10th...9th...8th...7th...6th...5th...4th...3rd...2nd...1st.

> > >And hits the sidewalk with a splat.

> > >Back upstairs, the bartender turns to the other drinker and says,

> > >" You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."